Cold Brew Bracket (The Decision)

Welcome back to the lounge. I’ve missed you. Quick update, I am moving to Fort Worth to begin my career as an engineer. Therefore, the lounge is moving. However, I am still a call away, a text away, a really long walk away (like, really long) and ultimately if you’re hardcore about loving the lounge, a flight away. DFW is like, a really big airport, so it gets flights from everywhere. You can get a direct flight from Birmingham, which is a super small airport. You can get a flight from Texarkana, you can get a flight from the moon with enough stubbornness and money. The second being more important. Ultimately, I’ve got your back no matter which planet you’re on. That includes the Moon and crazier planets like Ohio.

I am currently sitting in a Starbucks, sipping away at a cold brew, in a semi-ironic twist to end a hunt I’ve been on for years. I’ve been seeking the best coffee for a very long time. Specifically, the best cold brew because cold brew is fantastic. This journey has taken me across many states, the same country, multiple towns I guess but that’s included in the states thing. To summarize, I drink a lot of coffee in a lot of different states.

So as I sit, sipping and getting the cream cold foam on my lips, tasting the tiny amount of salt that is included in the topping, I find myself wondering what is my decision. What is the best coffee in this country? I thought further and realize that is so much coffee. Counting every McDonald’s in America alone (according to one website I barely looked at, the number is somewhere between 14,000 to 15,000). Counting only one of the types of Iced Coffee (I usually get a large because I’m worth it), that’s quite a few coffees. Typically, I do end up getting one at these varying locations. So I decided to narrow my scope. This will cover, then, what is the best iced coffee/cold brew in Tuscaloosa, Alabama.

I remember my first sip of coffee. I was at the Alligator Farm in St. Augustine, Florida (all of Florida lives up to expectations). It was raining, I was freezing. My grandmother was sipping on a coffee. I asked her for some to warm me up. I took a sip and immediately spit it everywhere. Fast forward several years. I’m working at Dunkin Donuts. I drink coffee all the time to tolerate the insufferable people I was forced to interact with. I try every type of coffee. I make my own concoctions. I decide to swear off Dunkin for a while, and pursue Starbucks.

The nearest Starbucks was close to 40 minutes away. I would make the drive. I’d drink the coffee. Yum. I move to Tuscaloosa. There’s a Starbucks on campus. I’m pursuing my engineering degree. I am tired constantly. I drink a lot of coffee. I move up to sophomore year and junior year and I have a car. I’m able to drive around town. I can visit coffee shops and relax. Sample their brews, and fall in love.

I’ve been to all the coffee shops in town, and a few other places I’ve tried. Since I narrowed my scope to the level it’s at I’ve decided to be comprehensive. I’ve sipped and chugged every type of cold brew and every type of Iced coffee. I have my final decision. I don’t like cold brew.

JUST KIDDING. Y’all know me. I’d lick a coffee bean if it activated even barely those sweet juices and sweet bean water.

To cover this in a concise manner, I made a bracket. NCAA tournament style. This one is much higher stakes though. The pairings were randomly generated, just because I clicked the button.

Here is the total of all the locations being compared.

Nehemiah's Coffee House

Monarch Espresso Bar

UPerk

OHenry's Coffee

Heritage House - Riverwalk

Starbucks - 15th St

Starbucks - Ferg

Starbucks - Bryant

Edelweiss

Turbo Coffee

McDonald's 15th Street

Babe's Doughnut

Dunkin' - Downtown

Dunkin- Campus

FIVE

Kangaroo Gas Station

I’ll show a total picture of the first round, then go into each pairing and justify my reasoning. BUCKLE UP KIDS.

Round One

Pairing one - Babe’s Doughnut versus the Ferg Starbucks

This decision came down to the brew that Babe’s provides. The cold brew is good, isn’t too strong, and with a little caramel is very, very good. The Ferg Starbucks cold brew is just about every other Starbucks. While I enjoy Starbucks Cold Brew, it isn’t quite the same as a place like Babe’s. Another aspect is I can never find a seat in Starbucks which is lame

Pairing two - Riverwalk Heritage House versus Dunkin’ Donuts downtown

I hate to say this, but even the locality of the Riverwalk Heritage House cannot justify winning this bracket. There is a second Heritage House across the river in Northport, which is honestly better, but I decided to limit it to Tuscaloosa and them be the rules. The Heritage House on the Riverwalk always left me wanting something more. That something more was better coffee.

Pairing three - McDonald’s 15th Street versus UPerk

No contest. I love UPerk. The McDonald’s on 15th street sucks and they don’t even serve this Cold Brew Frappe I had once at another McDonald’s and I have genuinely not been able to find it since. UPerk is very good. I love it. They also have a very ambitious BLT with cranberry jam on it, but that’s a discussion for another bracket.

Pairing four - FIVE versus Nehemiah’s Coffee House

Nehemiah’s Coffee House has a typical syndrome in coffee and cold brews. It’s called flavor syndrome. I believe that if you have to pump tons of flavor into it, maybe the coffee isn’t as good as it should be. That’s probably just me being judgmental. Either way, FIVE wins this one.

Pairing five - Dunkin - Campus versus Starbucks - Bryant

This one is interesting, but I’m going to have to say that I enjoy Starbucks over Dunkin usually. After working at Dunkin, let me tell you, there is SO much sugar in their drinks. Which is fine, but ultimately the Starbucks cold brews/iced coffees have better flavor. So I‘m a fan. The Starbucks on Bryant is better than the Ferg one. It was closer to my work AND they all knew me. Which means I likely have a problem. Oh well.

Pairing six - Turbo Coffee versus Edelweiss

This is an unfortunate pairing. I really enjoy Edelweiss, and have many memories there. All fond. Me and Matthew had so many dates there. I stared at this long and hard and came to the conclusion that I enjoy the food more than the coffee. This is about the coffee. Therefore, Turbo wins.

Pairing seven - Monarch Espresso Bar versus Kangaroo Gas Station

Oh lord, this is mostly for a story. I woke up early with Matthew so we could bike and we went to get gas. I was half asleep and went inside to get a coffee. They had an iced coffee machine so I decided to fill it up against my better judgement. The coffee was very light in color and I assumed it was just a lot of cream. The lady at the front who was checking me out with it stared at the coffee, then at me, and then said “throw that away that is not right”. So I did and got a hot coffee. So uh yeah, Monarch.

Pairing eight - OHenry’s Coffee verus Starbucks - 15th Street

I feel like a hypocrite as I am in the Starbucks on 15th writing this, but OHenry’s wins this one. I really enjoy the flavor of their cold brew. So yeah, OHenry’s it is.

Round Two

Pairing one (Round two) - Babe’s Doughnut versus Dunkin’ Downtown

Yeah, it’s Babe’s. Working at a place can change your mind about the stuff there, a lot.

Pairing two (Round two) - UPerk versus FIVE

Seriously y’all, I LOVE UPerk. Easily beats FIVE every time.

Pairing Three (Round two) - Starbucks - Bryant versus Turbo Coffee

Although I am very fond of the Starbucks on Bryant, the Turbo Coffee has a delicious cold brew I have come to love.

Pairing Four (Round two) - Monarch Espresso Bar versus OHenry’s Coffee

Monarch has a particularly strong cold brew, that I do sometimes enjoy. But more frequently, I just want easy drinking and good flavor. OHenry’s provides that.

Semifinals

Pairing one (Semifinals) - Babe’s Douhgnut versus UPerk

This one was somewhat difficult, but it came down to the flavor. I never need to get the UPerk cold brew without flavoring, but I always end up doing it at Babe’s. Therefore, UPerk it is (LOVE UPerk).

Pairing two (Semifinals) - Turbo Coffee versus OHenry’s Coffee

In comparing the brews, Turbo Coffee is the right level of strength. OHenry’s is on the lower side but Turbo is on the right level on the slightly stronger side. Turbo it is.

Finals

Wow. We made it. This is the final round. UPerk versus Turbo Coffee. If anyone knows anything about tournaments, there has to be drama. Always drama. Throughout this I have been hyping up UPerk. I do love UPerk, I really do. But there has to be drama, but more importantly, there has to be honesty. While I love UPerk, Iooking at the cold brew as a whole leads to a single conclusion. I never NOT have coffee grounds at the bottom of my cup. The mason jar filled to the brim with the cold brew has grounds lining the bottom which (haha) leaves a bad taste in my mouth. Turbo is consistent. It’s delicious.

Therefore, judging ENTIRELY on Cold Brew, Turbo Coffee wins.

Wow this was kind of exhausting. But I did it! I recommend everyone, however, to take this journey. Do it with restaurants, parks, bookstores. I was able to recall so many wonderful memories doing this. I recalled every coffee date me and Matthew had, every single walk to Starbucks I took with my coworkers when we were avoiding work, and just the times I had with my friends over a cup of coffee. Thinking back to our experiences is a wonderful thing, and it helps you see a lot of the good moments of your lives.

These past three blog posts have been special editions, and I want to go back to normal style ones. I’m in such a good place that writing is easy again. Graduating college did a lot of favors for me. My skin is clearer and my hair is shinier. I feel more creative and I smile more. People express their love of what I write which makes me giggle to myself and leads me to smile for the rest of their day. I want to be a pleasant escape, I want the lounge to be a place to relax and hide. I want you to laugh at me breaking my nose or getting hit by a car or getting trapped in a bathroom.

I’ve found with my life, that with every misfortune, more often than not it leads to wild stories that make people laugh. I love hearing people laugh, it fills me with all the joy in the world. AJR said in a song “100 bad days makes 100 good stories, 100 good stories makes me interesting at parties”. That has changed my outlook on this life. I swim in my regrets so often, but then I think about how much they’ve entertained and made people laugh and y’know it kinda makes it worth it.

I don’t seek these bad days, I promise, but boy do they seek me. So might as well make some good stories, and cause laughter (even if it’s sometimes at my expense).

Consistency is on the rise, because I am feeling more consistent. I love y’all, I’m proud of you, and remember Fort Worth is near DFW and I want to see you all as often as I can. Thanks for sitting in the lounge.